Threatened, Terrified, Shaken, but Lucky.

Right now I'm sitting down in my favorite homework spot. I have my cup on café con leche and the house was quiet, until about 2 seconds ago when Tito decided to go on his hourly barking rampage. Ha. The calm of the afternoon is my favorite because I can just sit here and really appreciate life. I have had my siesta and my final test for my intensive Spanish class. All I have to do now is prepare my Picadillo de Cheyote tomorrow and then it's off to Panama on Saturday! But I'm getting ahead of myself..

They say it's not a good thing to say "sorry" on blogs..but I feel bad I haven't posted for so long! So that's all I'm apologizing for-I'm sorry for not keeping you updated! I get very busy and tired but I promise to make a better effort to post..it's so fun sharing with you :) 

On that note to get to my actual post. Below I want you to read the post I started on Tuesday. I ended up stopping because I was just too beat from the day to continue.

Tuesday was the most terrifying day of my life thus far. And if you continue reading, you'll understand why:

I know it's been a bit since I've posted. This was also supposed to be a happy post about what an amazing time I had in Monteverde. Sorry to say though, this post is about my experience today and let me tell you, it is not a fun one.

Posting this is hard because it's still so fresh and I'm still on the verge of tears when I think about it. However, I feel it necessary to document now so down the road I remember to not take security for granted.

Today, on my way home from cooking class at ISA after school, I was mugged/robbed/assaulted, whatever you want to call it. Typing it doesn't sound as traumatic as it was.

I was walking on the sidewalk between the highway I cross and my house, which is about a 5 minute walk. There were guys on bikes in the street that I saw but didn't think anything of. That was my mistake. Before I knew it, two of them pulled up on the sidewalk in front of me. My thought was "great, they're going to cat call me in my face." Oh how wrong I was. They pulled out pocket knife/wrench looking things and I immediately stopped and stood frozen in fear. They called out, "la bolsa, la bolsa (the bag, the bag)" referencing my backpack.

I let them take my bag off my back so they didn't touch me or harm me physically. But it all happened so fast I can't even tell you what I was thinking. After they took my bag they all bolted. There were cars that had stopped but didn't help me. I didn't know what else to do so I kept walking home, all the while trying not to cry, but thanking God that I had my life and they didn't hurt me.

I was also very thankful that I had my keys for my house in my pocket. Walking in the house was sweet relief as I let the tears fall when I sat on my bed. My papa Tico and host sisters asked me what happened and I tried to explain it to them. It's a frustrating feeling not knowing how to ask for help on the street, now explain at home what happened. I was just so shaken I didn't even know what to do, or if there was anything I could do. Taking a shower, I curled in a ball and let the soothing water wash over me as I continued to cry. My thoughts ranged from being thankful I was alive and unhurt, to asking God "why me?" A million unanswerable questions bounced around in my mind. I couldn't get a grip. All I wanted was my mom and dad to hug me and comfort me.

Then I thought to myself-great I have to tell my parents.

Now:

That was my untouched start of a blog post on Tuesday and although I could have changed it or rewritten it, part of me wanted to leave it. What I wrote then was written only hours after I had been assaulted. I am a pretty dramatic person and in my mind the story told right then wasn't very dramatic. A friend of mine made a comment that I didn't show much feeling when I told them what happened, that same day. You want to know why? I did not know what to feel. I couldn't pick an emotion.

I felt-

Scared...angry...resentful...lucky...happy (about being unhurt physically)...worried...paranoid...unprotected...

I wanted to go home because I had lost all sense of security here.

And just so you know, here are the things my beautiful purple and pink zebra striped backpack (with ribbons from the previous year's volleyball games) contained: (if you couldn't tell, I loved that backpack)

-book for class

-notebooks with ALL of my homework and study materials

-All my pens and pencils

-note cards for study purposes

-planner (in other words, my life)

-post cards for friends

-iPod

-camera (including my 500 pics of Monteverde and cooking class)

-clothes for Audrey

-beautiful orange Nike rain jacket

-umbrella

-a container of food

-a CD with pictures of whitewater rafting

-spanish/english diccionary

Pretty sure that is all. I was VERY fortunate to have forgotten my wallet that day and have the keys to my house in my pocket. Stupid boys thinking that they could rob an innocent gringa and get all her money..wrong! I thank the Lord for my forgetful mind sometimes :)

The rest of the story:

As you can imagine, I did tell my parents. I was worried they would freak out (my mom is a bit of a worrier-that's where I get it from) but they remained calm which helped me immensely. She did get on me for walking alone..which I do feel bad about. But in my mind, I never thought that at 2:45pm in the broad daylight I would be assaulted. I didn't talk to my dad for long earlier in the day because I was exhausted. After I had changed all the passwords I could think of I took a nap and both of them called back later to check in.

My friends Hilary and Audrey (the wonderful women they are) came over after I woke up and brought me a chocolate covered doughnut. It's like they know me or something! I felt so loved with all the support I was getting from friends and family after the incident. And even though I looked like hell from crying all day, I went to dance class that night. I knew that to keep life here going normally and not give in to fear, I had to do what I would normally do. So, we walked as a group to dance class and I was given a ride back home from Veritas. The support I got at dance was great too. Even though I was still shaken and scared, I knew that I had people around who cared. My professor at Veritas too was very nice and sent me an email telling me not to worry about the homework or QUIZ we had the next day. You know, since I had no study materials.

The following day:

I woke up and got ready for the day but I just didn't feel normal. I can't describe to you what I felt but I can guarantee no one wants to feel that way. I put on a cute outfit despite feeling down and went through the normal routine. At school everyone I told or had found out made sure to comfort me, especially my teacher, which was great because she was very motherly. She even let us take our quiz in groups because she knew I had nothing to study from However, the first part of class I just felt awful. I wanted to cry and I kept repeating the incident in my head because I couldn't concentrate and I just wanted to sleep.

All I kept thinking about was: I should have asked for my books..I should have asked for help after..There has to have been something I could have done to prevent this...They have my life in that backpack...They aren't going to take good care of my stuff..I want my planner...I want my backpack..I'll never get my stuff back..I should have rung the doorbell of a house...How could I have not suspected something was up...Just be thankful I'm alive...Why did this happen to me..What did I do to deserve this...And on and on and on and on....

People kept telling me not to beat myself up about it, especially the three people I knew who had all been assaulted in my neighborhood. And they also offered me their support but it was hard not to think about it or think of alternative things I could have done because it was still so fresh. I still felt no sense of security.

I won't lie, I got kind of sick of telling people what happened because it was like reliving the entire thing. And it happened so fast that I was still reacting to it I feel like.

After school, Maria Belen (one of the girls with ISA) took me to the police station to file a report, which made me feel a bit better even though I know I'm not getting my stuff back. The station also said they may do an investigation of this area since there have been so many incidents. That is a huge relief because not that my neighborhood is unsafe, there are a lot of entrances which makes it easy to come and go. Basically, my friend Andres and I decided we need more security in Barrio Cordoba. But please, do not think I am unsafe! I was the one who was walking alone when I was advised not to.

When I got home I was feeling much better about things. I studied for my test and the day continued normally.

There was a point though, when all I wanted was to be "happy" again and not feel weird. I knew that I had to be positive about my time here despite the horrible experience and I didn't want that to ruin what a great trip this is.

Well, I can tell you, I have reached that point..my happiness is recovered and I'm ready for more aventuras! There will be points when I get nervous or sad for a few minutes. But I have this great family here who loves me and cares for my roommate and I as their own. I have my family back home who sends their love and support every single day. I have wonderfully marvelous friends here and back home who also send me love and support. My recovery from having no sense of security is bouncing back so quickly because of my web of support and I thank God for each and every single one of you :) Even though I felt weird today asking for people to come with me when I needed to go places, that is how much I didn't care because I never want to go through that experience again..and if any of you are reading this that are my go to traveling buddies-suck it up! I need you...isn't it awesome to be needed? Haha. Today was awesome because not only one, but two guys walked me home. I like this whole body guard deal! I feel safe..and that feeling, especially after Tuesday, is priceless.

A Prayer of Praise

Not only did friends and family help me but every day my faith helps me. I am thankful that the only things taken were material items and I was untouched physically. When I was questioning why this happened, I couldn't find a reason other than it was a lesson and everything I had been fearing, questioning, and what not came down to two things. Trust and faith. After this happened, I had to trust in God that I would be OK and have faith in Him. Maybe this was my realization that, yes of course I have family and friends..but He is whom I need to go to for ALL things in life. Yesterday Manuela, papa Tico, and I were sitting around talking and they introduced me to Psalm 27 and I was in awe. Psalm 27 is a prayer of praise and just was so fitting for me after what had happened. The whole Bible is full of comforting passages but the fact that randomly this one was introduced to me when I needed it most, was not just luck!

Some recommendations!

Not that I am an expert by any means and my assault did not leave physical scars, it still was the most terrifying moment of my life. I was one of many who believed it wouldn't happen to them, and I learned my lesson the hard way. I just want to leave with some tips for anyone, especially women. I didn't look these up or anything..thinking about a future post about that...but these are just some common sense things for safety here in Costa Rica and in general!

1. When people in the area say to never walk alone, DO NOT WALK ALONE. I was dumb enough to think that just because I had been doing it for two weeks, I was immune to being mugged. Don't get sucked into thinking that way. If you're a girl, always walk with another person-preferably a guy. You won't be immune to getting mugged but it's better to be a group than alone. I may sound like a broken record, but take it from someone who's been there, it's better to annoy your friends and be safe than get your stuff-or you life-taken from you.

2. Like I said, annoy your friends! If they have offered to walk you home or go places with you, TAKE THEM UP ON IT. I felt a little needy today (something I don't like to feel) but I felt safe when my two guy friends walked me home. That's a feeling uncomparable to anything. I can guarantee your friends would rather have you alive and well than hurting even more because you didn't ask them to help you out. And a word to friends..help your friends out when they ask!

3. Take a taxi. I didn't like the idea at first because I'm not used to it, it makes me a tad uncomfortable, it means spending money, and I have to use my Spanish to communicate (which puts me outside my comfort zone). BUT the thought of walking alone or taking a taxi? TAKE THE TAXI.

4. Stash stuff. I want to assume the reason I got mugged was not only because I was an easy target (I was alone) but because I am American. Americans I know in Costa Rica are targeted because they think we have money (obviously they don't realize how in debt our nation is ha). Even if you are a poor college student..if you are blonde, a girl, or give off any indication you're foreign, you're a target. That day I had my keys in my pocket and had forgotten my wallet. But when I go places (and my friends do this too) STASH MONEY EVERYWHERE. I'm talking in your bra, in your shoes, in your pockets..wherever! That way if someone comes along and steals your stuff, you still have some in odd places. Also a TRAVEL POUCH, is recommended many times. Just a simple little pouch that goes around your neck or waist that you wear inside your clothes to put money, passport, or anything else important. I'm using my friend Kasslin's, and I am definitely going to use it now!

5. Be aware of your surroundings. I won't stereotype, but I am from America and I'm used to making eye contact and being friendly. I have this idea in my head that everyone is as nice as I am. If you're like me, STOP. You can be friendly where you KNOW it's safe. Here being on your guard in necessary. I wasn't thinking anything of the guys riding bikes in the street and then in the blink of an eye I was being threatened. I literally walked right into it.

6. GIVE THEM YOUR THINGS. Don't resist. I was told I did the right thing by just giving them my bag. It hurts to have my stuff just stripped from me and be helpless but it's better to be physically unharmed than resist and get hurt. They have my bag, but I have my health. I kept thinking, I wish I would have asked for my books..but in that moment, thinking straight wasn't my body's priority. I don't know what would have happened but I doubt it would have been productive to do anything other than what I did. Nothing is more important than you life in that situation. I promise.

7. My final recommendation (and I read this somewhere but didn't listen)-HAVE A WAY OF COMMUNICATION. I had absolutely nothing when this happened. I broke my phone and hadn't gotten a Tico phone. I don't know that it would have helped but if I would have had a way to contact someone at the time, I would have. I was at a loss because I didn't know how to ask for help or what to do. Yesterday I bought a cheap Tico phone because I am not going to go anywhere without a means of communication. If anything it's, again, having that sense of security.

In the future I plan to be safer and possibly create some kind of action plan should I feel unsafe. First of all, never going anywhere alone and keeping my cell phone with me. But this was a lesson well learned.

I know this was a long post, but necessary to share my experience. As I said before, I want to share good and bad! I'm hoping this is the only major down of my trip. But I plan to stay here and keep on loving my time here just as well as before! I don't want anyone to think I'm unsafe. I made a bad decision by walking alone and will prevent that in the future. Costa Rica is still an amazing place and I look forward to continuing my exploration :)

Thanks for making it through this beast of a post, y'all!

Olive juice amor, xo :)

Allie